On the 18th October, I had the opportunity to speak with a group of parents about digital wellbeing and how we can help our teenagers find balance and build resilience in a world increasingly shaped by technology.
The conversation was prompted by some uncomfortable data and examples, and it was right that we didn’t shy away from those. Parts of the online world can be confronting, and there are behaviours, language, and cultural norms that deserve to be taken seriously. But one of the key messages I wanted to land was that this isn’t simply a story of risk or failure. It’s a story about how young people are growing up, and how we help them navigate the spaces they already inhabit.
The digital world our teenagers live in didn’t appear overnight. For many of them, particularly following the pandemic, connection didn’t stop, it moved online. School, friendships, entertainment, and social life all shifted behind screens out of necessity, not indulgence. Those habits have carried forward, quietly shaping how they relate to one another day to day.
That context matters.
Gaming, chat, and social platforms are often talked about as if they sit outside of “real life”, but for most young people they are part of it. For many boys, gaming in particular is social. It’s where they collaborate, compete, relax, and maintain friendships. Research consistently shows that most teenagers game in moderation, often for relatively short sessions, and primarily to connect with others rather than to withdraw from them.
That doesn’t mean everything online is healthy, or that balance looks after itself. It does mean that our starting point matters. If we begin with fear or blanket restriction, we risk missing what’s actually going on underneath.
One line from the evening summed up the approach I was encouraging:
We can’t prepare the world for them, but we can prepare them for the world.
We can’t slow the pace of digital change, and we can’t remove our young people from it without cutting them off from important parts of their social world. What we can do is help them develop judgement, self-regulation, and resilience, so they can live well in both physical and digital spaces.
That requires balance. Safety and independence are not opposites; they work together. Too much control delays learning. Too much freedom removes the anchors young people still need. When we hold both together, gradually loosening boundaries as maturity grows, we give teenagers the chance to make small mistakes, learn from them, and build confidence.
When things feel out of balance, secrecy, loss of sleep, irritability, or withdrawal are better understood as signals rather than failures. Often the question isn’t “Is gaming the problem?” but “What else might be going on here?” Tiredness, stress, social pressure, or anxiety frequently sit underneath the behaviour we see.
In those moments, relationship matters more than rules. Calm, consistent conversations, showing interest rather than interrogating, and keeping digital life visible rather than hidden all make a difference. Parental controls and technical tools can help, but they work best as scaffolding, not substitutes for trust and communication.
The digital world isn’t slowing down. Generative AI, gaming, chat, and social platforms will continue to evolve, and our young people will continue to adapt to them faster than we do. But our influence as parents and educators still matters deeply.
If we focus on building character, good judgement, and resilience, rather than simply managing behaviour, we give them the best possible foundation for the world they’re growing into.